Couric, Kate  Happiness Stanford Panel, Oct 18 2013
Maples Pavillion: Friday AM at 10:15 AM

see list of 2013 panelists:
Katie Couric moderates and is excellent;

Jennifer Aaker (Mkt Prof at B school)
Firdaus Dhabhar  Assoc Prof of Psychiatry  (stress and immunity, health, and well-being)

Ian Gotlib  Prof Psychology, direc of Stfd Mood and Anxiety and chair of Psych:
psych and bio factors that place indiv at risk for depression

David Kelley:  fndr of IDEO, creator of d-school,

Sonja Lyubomirsky:  UC Riverside...

Pleasure and Meaning:  Fridaus Dhabhar: psychiatry
...  harmony
what you think, say and do are in harmony

Jennifer : happ. means feeling good;
(Jennifer Aaker:  Marketing, Gard school biz prof)

Ian Gotlib:  Mood and Anxiety

Sonya:  two components  1)  progressing towards life goals  and
2)  feeling good at the moment
you want to contnue what you are doing

David Kelly:  finding meaning in what you do...

loving and being loved....;

5,000 motivational speakers earning a billion dollars;

why all this activity on happiness?

suicide/ depression is on the increase (espec among young people)

panelists: Sonja Lyubormirsky; David Kelly

do we all have indiv set points?

used to call those traits;

eg  my former husband (who died) said I was born on a sunny day (Katie)...

Sonja:  ident twins:   ID twins are much more similar on happiness than fraternal twins;

more grateful, more exercise, savor the moment, emphasize relationships;

Katie:  about stress:  Jim:  spectrum of possibilites

Firdaus Dhabhar: quotes Yoda:  fear leads to hate;   leads to anger....

David Kelley:  throat cancer: in 2007 40% chance to live  (he thought)!!!
what was I put on earth to do; he was convinced that if he survived, he would do
something really meshed with his purpose... a life that felt good inside.

the word happiness:  at least defns:
feeling good  (shallow)
or meaningfulness....   meaningful life...
must pull these apart  (says Jennifer)

meaningful  (these people are other oriented... giving)
whereas momentary pleasure people are takers... for themselves.

Firdaus:  eudemonia  the meaningfulness and
pleasure:   shallow...
but how about sitting with grandchildren and deriving joy from them...

Sonja:   usu healthier, more fulfilling relationships, givers, more purposeful
it feels good to have meaning;
you feel more creative (and are)... these are intertwined...

David Kelley:  (Jennifer teaches with him at the D school = design school);
interviewed them for his new book;  more stick-to-it-tivityness.

Q is happiness bar set to high?  Katie to Sonja:

as UG at Stfd (Sonja)  thot there was closet unhappiness and such a focus on happiness.
so much interest in it...  we should not be happy all the time?
negative emotions have value  (shud be angry with injustice, and anxious before a job interview)  Katie says taking berievement out of DSM... it's ok.

Katie:  does money buy happiness?
Sonja:  wealthy people are happier than less wealthy...
but if basic needs are met then more money does not make much difference...
but richer people are happier than less rich people.

Katie:  would you engage in this, if you could tell no one about it.

spend money on an experience usu produces more benefit than on a thing.

Katie:  role of technology... distraction from the here and now:

David K:  my colleague, Cliff Nass did a study of kids:
kids not watching faces as much  (is mom irritated, eg)
my 16 yr old dtr...   come home from the dance early so they can text eac hother...

Katie: keeps you from being empathic
also  (Jennifer)  see people doing these amazing things online and you feel left out.

But... Jenn...  do something bigger than yourself... to get happy

Sonja:  after spending time on Facebook, people feel less well abt themselves
(by comparison to others)...
but  (if cannot get to get together with others... cuz of shyness or disease
then it's great for them)

Dhabhar:  being sad is ok;  for stress...  genuine social support is tremendously helpful
buffering you from hard times;
how could the power of FB, etc. be harnessed, he wonders, to enable this positive support...
to produce genuine support.

Happiness is when what you think, say, and do are in harmony  (as Gandhi said)....

Katie:  let's talk abt children...
are parents happier than those who have no children?

Sonja:  my resch:  parents are a little happier  but they
DO have more meaning.   parents DO say they have more meaning and
they say they want their children to be happy.

kids who did acts of kindness for 4 weeks  became happier and became more popular
with their classmates.

Katie: overparenting;  we have a hard time for kids to learn abt setbacks ;
are they overprotected and thereby not as resilient.
Ian Gotlib:  yes... we must learn to cope with adversity;  must learn it;
overprotective parent can be doing kids a disservice  (like a "helicopter parent").

Sonja:  there was a self-esteem movement (everybody gets a  trophy so everybody wins)
in Europe not so much;
Sonja  I have 4 kids... expected to go to every single little league game, etc.
I'm against that;;;   it's a US thing;

Jennifer:  emphasis should  be "I just want my child to have a MEANINGFUL LIFE"
(big joke:  moved to NY for my kids to learn abt life... big laugh... there they
will experience conflict)

everyone on panel is against overprotection/ overparenting;

some administrators refer to students as teacups  , cuz they're so fragile
(Katie C remark);

Katie Q to Jenn:  how does happy change with age and life stage
(Jenn jokes worst is around age 45, women with lots of kids... but
then
gets much better for 70 year olds...
meaning of happiness shifts over the life course

18 to 20 yr olds  happiness = excitement (of new dates etc)
sl older  satisfaction
mid age  balance of goals
alignment and meaningfulness
then content and enjoying what you've got...
(so meaningfulness is constantly shifting)

Sonja:  hedonic  adaptation  (first fall in life...
Katie say 18 months,  Sonja corrects here   2 years  (big laugh)
eg  marriage/ honeymoon;
in Silicon Valley:  upgrade cars, smart phones, girlfriends, things...

Katie:  don't you need goal pursuit  (always have a project: 
happy people have goals)

USA  23rd  on 50 country happy list

iceland, new zealand, denmark  lead the list of happy countries!
we trail  singapore, malasia, tanzania, viet nam  (USA trails);

Sonja:   countries doing well:  more equal distrib of wealth, social support, communities:
(do u have people around u that u trust and u can rely on);
sometimes  religous countries are happiest  (more meaning)
social capital, wealth...

Jenn Aaker:  time famine.... (in US) stress increases...
Katie  (a badge of honor... I'm so busy)

****************
Now ready for take home lessons:

Katie:  most important  lessons:

support system (Firdaud D)  actions that  meanigful for those around you and
SLEEP !!! (laugh)  sleep critically important and under-rated;
sleep, nutrition, exercise,  genuine meaning;  do not sacrifice sleep;

Sonja:  critical ingredients
3 things:  1)  a sense of CONTROL in our lives
2) personal growth... new experiences
3)  connecting with others, relationships, community.

Katie to Sonja:  mixed feelings that u have abt gratitude...
Sonja  count blesing:  trite and hokey  but  it  DOES work!
it raises humility  (a gratitutde letter) we are standing on shoulders of giants;
hedonic adaptation:  we get used to all the good stuff in our life
(our car, house, health etc.   get used to it)

David Kelley:   easy to ignore the good stuff;
 looking at our student evals we ignored the 48 great ones and focused on the 2 bad ones.

Ian Gotlib  (Katie Q:  can brain elevate mood, thru medit. or whatever)
yes;  old power of + thinking is real!   changing the way one thinks  (eg CBT)

Katie to Jenn:  how to enhance happ/ meaningfulness?
how are you spending money
;  nature of relationships,  are you really giving to others...

Firdaud D:  authenticity is key;  syncing internal and external self....

Sonja:  generosity is really important  (makes them happy and us happy);
optimistit  (self fulfilling prophecy)  +  thinking is important;
Katie:  listening to a eulogy;   she wonders why was our relationships are so
superficial.

Sonja an exercise:   u are going to be moving away in 30 days (people focus on
relationships)  (not dying but  just moving far away)...
that's what older people do.

Decl of Indep:  should have been  pursuit of meaning! (instead of happiness)
(Sonja:  historians say founders were talking abt material things.
Katie, as grad of Univ of Virginia (home of Jefferson); I'd have to dispute that... laugh)